


Running in Circles

by KalicoFox



Series: The Adventure Zone Oneshots [4]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Ice Cream, Magnus is lactose intolerant, playing with Taako's trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 11:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11012826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KalicoFox/pseuds/KalicoFox
Summary: When it's too hot to do anything, the best solution is to eat ice cream and laze around. Fantasy Ben and Jerry's's got nothing on Taako's recipes, though.





	Running in Circles

It was, Taako mused as he stalked through the aisles of the Fantasy Costco, hot as shit.

In fact, it was so hot that the Bureau headquarters was practically deserted; most of the other employees had jumped at the Director’s offer of a day off and gone down to the surface. Even Merle had gone, muttering something about having to reconnect to nature because Pan was pissed off about something or the other.

Angus, oddly enough, _hadn’t_ gone, even though Carey, Killian, and Noelle had invited him to go with them to the beach.

Neither had Magnus.

Which left Taako with a dilemma.

 _Usually,_ he didn’t have a problem with making shit and eating it in front of people. In fact, when the heat wave had _started_ , he’d been planning on making a nice big batch of ice cream and curling up on the couch to watch the world through the floor window as he savoured the icy sweetness.

But.

Angus and Magnus had holed up in the living room, which, by virtue of being on the bottom of the moon, was in the shade and thus one of the coolest rooms on the moon.

 

Barely paying attention to the ingredients he was pulling off the shelves, Taako considered his options.

Either one, he could go to the cafeteria and use the gigantic, sterile, empty kitchen to make his ice cream, and then find somewhere where he could eat it without being bothered, or…

Or he could go back to the apartment, use the kitchen he furnished to his own specifications, and have an eager eleven year old help him make enough ice cream for all three of them.

He wouldn’t have to hide up a tree to eat it, or in the Voidfish’s chamber, and he was _pretty_ sure that watching Angus try to churn the ice cream would be hilarious.

Also, Magnus was strong. He’d be good for churning it once it started firming up…

 

“Did you find everything all right, sir?”

Taako started, blinked, then frowned at the cashier.

“What?”

The cashier rolled his eyes. “Did you find everything you needed all right, _sir_?”

“Yeah, sure. Of course I did.”

Actually, Taako wasn’t sure _what_ he’d grabbed. He’d just been wandering the aisles as he thought, and hadn’t even noticed when he’d gotten in line to check out.

Still, watching the cashier total up his items showed him that he had, actually, gotten everything he’d need for a truly gigantic batch of ice cream.

Which solved his dilemma for him.

There was no way that he was going to be able to eat all of it on his own.

 

“All right, Ango!” Taako called, barging through the front door like an elven whirlwind, “Today’s your lucky day!”

Angus blinked at him from the couch, not seeming to notice how Magnus had startled and reached behind himself for an axe that wasn’t there when the door had slammed open.

“It is, sir?”

“It is.” Taako confirmed, sweeping into the kitchen and plopping the bag of ingredients down on the counter. “Today you’re gonna learn how to make ice cream.”

There was a brief pause, then, “I am?”

“Yes,” Taako said, pulling a pot out of one of the cupboards with a clatter and turning to beckon Angus into the kitchen. “And Magnus is gonna help, so no complaining, you got it?”

“Wait, why am I going to help?” Magnus asked bemusedly, following Angus into the kitchen and peering curiously into the bag of ingredients.

“‘Cause if you don’t help you don’t eat.” Taako said simply. “Now, Ango, you’re gonna be the sous chef, so do exactly what I tell you, when I tell you, okay? Leave the actual cooking to me. Magnus, you’re the muscle here, so you don’t have to do anything until almost the very end. That means either get the hell out of my kitchen, or get out of the way. Agnes, there’s aprons over there. Grab one and put it on.”

 

If Angus had thought that Taako was a harsh taskmaster during their magic lessons, then _cooking_ lessons turned the elf into a _tyrant._

Not one single bit of magic was allowed, at all. That wasn’t much of a problem for Angus, but it _was_ a problem for Taako, who was practically shooting sparks in an effort _not_ to use the small bits of magic that usually made life so much easier.

Angus kept studiously silent when he caught Taako pouring the first batch of custard down the drain because he’d forgotten for a moment and used Prestidigitation to chill it faster.

Magnus, thankfully, seemed to be completely oblivious, alternating between regaling the two chefs with stories about dogs he’d met before, begging for tastes of custard, and carving something small and intricate that he wouldn’t let either of them see.

“It’s not done yet.” He insisted, hiding whatever it was in one palm and gently pushing Angus away with the other, “You can see it when it’s done.”

“Well then you can wait to taste the ice cream until _it’s_ done!” Taako announced with a huff, pouring ice and rock salt into the biggest pot they owned and cramming the second, smaller pot that held the custard into the mixture. “Now make yourself useful and get over here. We gotta mix the shit out of this.”

Magnus perked up, tucked his project into his pocket and wandered over, peering into the nested pots.

 

“Is there something I can do, sir?” Angus asked, and Taako squinted over at him, drumming his fingers thoughtfully against the counter.

“Well there’s always the dishes...” he said, and smirked when Angus’ face fell slightly. “Tell you what, boychik. There’s fruit in the fridge. Grab what you want, and start cutting. I’ll show you how to chop it into the ice cream after you’ve tried it plain.”

“Yessir!” Angus grinned, and tried not to bounce as he headed over to see what fruit there was.

 

To Taako’s surprise, Magnus actually managed to keep up the steady churning until the custard had frozen to the point it could be considered ice cream. Granted, the guy was basically made of muscles, but those were hitting muscles, not mixing muscles, so he’d half expected to have to take over a few minutes in.

“So we can eat it now, right?” Magnus asked, looking down proudly at the smooth, pale yellow contents of the pot.

“Not yet.” Taako said, whisking the pot out from under Magnus’ nose and slapping a lid on top of it. “It’s gotta freeze a little more before we can eat it.”

“What?! But then what was all of that for? I thought _I_ was making it freeze!”

“Well _yeah_ ,” Taako said, rolling his eyes and turning to tuck the pot into the freezer, “you did. But now it’s gotta freeze _more_ or it’ll melt too fast.”

“Oh, I thought we’d be able to eat it right away...”

Taako froze. The sheer _disappointment_ in Angus’ voice was just…

Dammit.

Taako sighed, turning away from the freezer and plopping the pot back down onto the counter.

“Agnes, make yourself useful and get the bowls and spoons. Magnus, get that stupid grin off your face before I burn a fucking spell slot on you.”

 

Thankfully, Angus had been too well trained by the magic lessons to look too hard Taako’s sudden change of heart; instead he scrambled for the cupboards as Taako grabbed one of the bigger serving spoons and started scooping.

“Thif if sho _gooot!_ ” Magnus mumbled around a mouthful, his eyes closed happily.

Angus hummed in agreement, shooting Taako a thumbs up with his free hand and trying not to bounce in his seat.

Taako watched them for a moment, then sighed, dug his spoon into his bowl, and took his first bite.

It wasn’t bad. Not the worst ice cream he’d ever had, but not the best. It was just vanilla. No frills, nothing special about it. It was just ice cream.

“Yeah,” He said out loud, “it’s not bad. Good job, Ango.”

“Thank you sir!” Angus beamed, and Magnus pouted.

“What about me? I helped too!”

“Oh yes,” Taako said sarcastically, “You helped so much. Good job stirring the fucking cream. Nobody else could have done that.”

“Thank you!” Magnus grinned, and settled back in his chair, spooning more of the ice cream into his mouth, “This is really really good. I’ve never had ice cream before.”

Angus gaped, “Really??”

Magnus nodded. “Yeah, it wasn’t really something that we could get super easily when I was a kid, and then I just never really had the chance? So yeah. It’s really good though! I like it a lot!”

“Well I made it, so of course it’s good.” Taako sniffed, then added, “And Angus made a decent sous chef, so yeah.”

The three of them trailed off into silence, each focusing on eating their treat, and it wasn’t until Taako scraped the last of the cream out of the bottom of his bowl that he noticed that Magnus’ eating had slowed, then stopped, and he was frowning into his bowl.

“What’s wrong, Mags?” Taako asked, trying to ignore the way his stomach was clenching.

Magnus never stopped eating if there was still food in front of him.

Something was wrong.

“It’s nothing,” Magnus said, flashing him a quick grin, “I’m just full. I guess ice cream is really filling!”

“Really?” Angus asked, craning his head to peek into Magnus’ bowl. “Would you like me to finish that for you, sir?”

“Yeah, sure pipsqueak. Have at it.” Magnus said, and slid his bowl over to Angus, who pushed his own empty bowl to one side and dug in happily.

Yeah. It was fine. Magnus just wasn’t hungry. It was _fine_ . Taako and Angus had both eaten the exact same ice cream, and Taako knew that _he_ felt fine, and judging by how fast Angus was plowing through his second helping of ice cream he felt fine too.

Everything was chill. It was all good.

Still, Taako’s heart was pounding as he swept the two empty bowls off the table and went to dump them in the sink.

Behind him, something gurgled, low and loud, and Taako froze.

“Sir? Are you okay? You look like you’re in pain!”

“Yeah Ango, I’m fine. I guess the ice cream didn’t really agree with me, or something.”

Taako’s hands weren’t shaking.

He meant to drop the bowls in the sink that hard. Really.

“Sir? Are you all right?”

“Ugh, this really isn’t sitting well with me at all.”

“No sir, I meant Mister Taaco. Are you okay Mister Taaco? You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine, bubeleh.”

His hands were clenched into fists, but he wasn’t sure when that had happened. All he knew was that he was shaking, and they couldn’t see. He couldn’t let them see him shake or they’d know that it was his fault.

He had to-

He had to go.

“I’m gonna hit the Fantasy Costco real quick. Pick up some tums or something for Magnus. Be back in a few.”

He didn’t look at either of them as he fled, trying desperately not to look like he was running away.

Can’t look like anything’s out of the ordinary. Gotta play it cool. Get off the moon and go to ground, and everything’ll be fine.

He wasn’t sure what he told Avi to get a cannonball as fast as he did, but whatever it was worked, and it got him on the ground near the Icerim Mountains, as far from the Bureau as he could get by being launched out of a cannon on the moon.

As soon as the glass cannonball was out of sight, drifting back towards the Bureau, Taako turned south, summoned Garryl, and rode _hard._

 

It took only took him a couple of hours to get close to the nearest town, and Taako dismounted and dismissed Garryl without a word. His hat got pulled off and stuffed into the bag that held all of his components, and a flicker of prestidigitation turned his immaculate black Cloak of the Manta Ray brown with road dust.

Shaking fingers combed the elaborate braid out of his hair, then rolled it into a functional bun and tied it out of the way. Another flicker of prestidigitation made his umbrastaff look older and more worn.

Nothing to see here, folks. Just an ordinary, down on his luck traveler. Only good for a couple of tricks that might be enough to earn a meal or a bed.

Fuck.

No.

It was fine. Taako gives a shit about Taako, _only._ No one else.

 

\-------

It took Angus and the Director a week and a half to track Taako down; the task made harder by the fact that, seemingly at random, he would just up and leave the town his bracer tracker _said_ he was in, and end up somewhere completely different only a few hours later.

Carey, Killian, and Noelle had _offered_ to go after him, but been overruled by not only Merle and Magnus, but the Director herself.

“We don’t want to spook him.” She’d said over their protests, glaring them into silence. “Taako knows what you three do, and if he thinks for an _instant_ that you’re coming after him professionally, and not as his friends, then he may do something drastic that would make it impossible for us to find him again.”

She let that statement hang in the air for a moment, heavy and ominous, then quietly dismissed the Regulator team, turning back to her desk, where Angus was sitting on a spare chair and studying the map that tracked where every active bracer was.

“Do you really think he’d do that?” Angus asked quietly, trying to hide the tremor in his voice, “Cut his own arm off to get rid of the bracer?”

The Director sighed wearily, slumping into her chair and staring down at the map. “Honestly Angus, I don’t know. I’m not even sure why he ran.”

Angus hesitated for a moment, then, haltingly, told her what Taako had told him during one of their magic lessons. About Glamour Springs, and the people who had died because of Taako’s cooking. He told her about how, after they went to get the Chalice, Taako had tossed out his innocence offhandedly, like it didn’t really matter, but then promised to teach him to make ice cream.

“And then Magnus got a stomach ache, so Mister Taaco said he was going to get stomach medicine from the Fantasy Costco, but he never came back!” Angus was flat out sobbing now, “This is all my fault! If I hadn’t asked, then Mister Taaco wouldn’t have gotten scared, and he’d still be here and I’m so sorry I ruined everything!”

The last word was a long, drawn out wail, and the Director’s face crumpled a little as she reached over and pulled Angus close.

“None of that. This is absolutely not your fault, do you understand me Angus McDonald? You are not to blame yourself _one bit_ for that ridiculous elf mistaking an allergic reaction for having accidentally poisoned someone.”

Angus choked back a sob and blinked his watery eyes up at her. “A what?”

“An allergic reaction.” Lucretia said calmly. “Magnus is lactose intolerant. I thought he was aware, so when it came up during the pre-hiring medical screening, I never said anything. Obviously I was mistaken and should have.”

“Oh.” Angus thought about that for a moment, absentmindedly pulling his handkerchief out of his pocket and blowing his nose into it, “So does that mean that Magnus can’t ever have ice cream?”

“Pretty much,” the Director nodded, “Cheese might be out, too. Now. Are you feeling a little better?”

Angus nodded, “Yes ma’am.”

“Good. Where is our wayward Reclaimer now?”

“Somewhere in the Ashenwood,” Angus reported, wiping his glasses with the clean part of his handkerchief and then peering back at the map so that he could point out the little dot of light that represented Taako’s bracer. “I think he’s heading toward Mulsantir or Two Stars, but I can’t be certain. He’s really gone all over the place.”

Lucretia hummed thoughtfully, tapping one finger idly against the lower edge of the map, then nodded. “Right. We’re going to send two groups. Merle and I will go to Mulsantir, since that’s closest to where he currently is. You will go with Magnus to Two Stars. If you find him, you are to kick him as hard as you can, and then drag his skinny elven ass back here by the ear, do you understand?”

Angus stared at her, his mouth slightly agape, and Lucretia quickly reviewed what she’d just said, then grimaced. “Forget that.” She ordered, massaging her temple with one hand, “It’s been a long week. Just… try to convince him to come back, all right?”

“Yes ma’am!” Angus chirped, and slid off the chair he’d been using and darted out of the office, talking rapidly into his stone of farspeech before the door even swung shut behind him.

 

\-------

Taako rolled in to Two Stars just after noon, more than ready to just call the day quits already, find the nearest shitty inn and start haggling with whoever the hell owned it so that he could do some easy, showy magic in the main room. He’d gotten lucky at the last town; he’d been able to make enough in tips to stock back up on components he was running low on, but that’d left him short on food when he’d had to drop everything and get the hell out of dodge.

Who knew that having a talent for pissing people off was so dangerous to one’s health?

Oh right, he did. Or at least he had, before he’d started hanging out with Merle and Magnus.

When the hell had he forgotten, anyway?

Something in the back of his head twitched; that odd sixth sense that anyone who regularly sees combat develops, and Taako paused mid stride, then mentally swore at himself and forced himself to keep walking. Just act natural. There’s nothing wrong, no one here could _possibly_ know him. It was probably just some asshole rogue, casing him to see if he had any shit worth stealing.

Joke’s on that poor sucker. The only thing that looked visibly valuable was the fuckin’ bracer, and there was no way that was coming off; Taako would know.

Three seconds later something hit him in the small of his back and wrapped around him, pinning his arms to his sides. He was halfway through the spell for Blink when he realized that it hadn’t been an attack. It was a _kid_.

A kid who was babbling half-sobbed apologies into his back, and, from the feel of the glasses frames digging into his spine, trying to hide his tears in the dirty, dusty cloak.

 

He finished casting Blink anyway.

 

As soon as he was in the ethereal plane, Taako stepped away, turning around to see that yeah, it _was_ Angus, his arms now clutching thin air with a look of absolute devastation on his face _._

“Angus? Where’d you go?”

Magnus _fucking_ Burnsides shoved his way through the marketplace crowd, looking around for Angus. The smile on his face dropped off when he saw the boy, standing stock still in the middle of the road.

“Ango what’s wrong? What happened?”

Taako knew that tone in his voice. The tone that completely lost all of Magnus’ customary joviality and said ‘I’m fucking serious now, so tell me what I want to know or shit will start breaking. Starting with your face.’

“I saw him,” Angus croaked, sniffing hard, “I saw him and I couldn’t help myself, so I-” he sniffled again, “I ran up and hugged him, and then” Angus hiccuped, “he got away. He cast a spell, I think it was Blink, and I don’t even know if he knew it was me, but I had to tell him how sorry I was and that I missed him and I wanted him to come back and I’m _so sorry_ sir, _really_ I am I didn’t mean to scare him away, I _swear_ , I jus-”

 

Taako had seen enough.

There was leaving so that he wouldn’t hurt anyone, even on accident, and then there was just being an _asshole_ , and apparently at some point in the past week he’d crossed the line from one to the other.

He’d make sure that Magnus explained later. Even if he had to burn a spell slot on the jerk to get him to talk.

“Scare who away, bubeleh?” He asked, Blinking back into the physical plane, well out of reach of Magnus and taking care not to look directly at the fighter.

“ _Mister Taaco!”_

Angus flung himself across the short distance separating them, and, running off some insane instinct, Taako dropped his umbrastaff and caught him. Magnus took a couple of steps forward, stooped down and grabbed it, then straightened up and looked down at him with an odd, crooked smile.

He was stuck. He wouldn’t leave without the staff, and he sure as hell couldn’t take Ango with him wherever the hell he’d need to go next, but…

“Ready to come back to the Bureau?” Magnus asked, his head tipped slightly to one side, “Merle and the Director were really worried about you.”

What?

“What?”

Angus squirmed in his arms, shifting until Taako put him down, then took one careful step backwards and peered up at him through damp eyes.

“Please come back, sir?” He said, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, “I’m sorry I asked you to show me how to make ice cream, and I know you probably never want to teach me anything ever again, but please come back? We really miss you, and the moon isn’t really the same without you, and Merle is _so much_ more grumpy if you’re not around-”

“You want me to come _back?!_ ” Taako rocked back on his heel, half turning as though he expected to see a firing squad lined up somewhere along the market, “Magnus I almost _killed_ you!”

Magnus shrugged, “I almost die a lot, no big.

Taako stared at him, and after a moment Angus cleared his throat.

“Actually, sirs, apparently Magnus has a milk allergy, and the Director thought he knew, so she didn’t say anything.”

Taako paused, then, slowly, straightened up to his full height. “So… I didn’t fuck up? Lucretia did?”

Angus paused, then nodded. “Yes sir, I suppose you could put it that way.”

“Well all right then!” Taako grinned, snapping his fingers to get rid of the dust and dirt and minor illusions that coated his things, “Let’s go! Papa needs a hot bath and a bigass meal. You have no idea the sort of shit I’ve had to put up with this last week.”

Grinning, Magnus turned around to lead the way out of Two Stars back toward where they’d left the cannon ball, leaving Angus standing, stunned, in the middle of the marketplace.

Just before they were out of sight, Angus heard Taako ask, his voice seemingly casual, “How the hell did you guys find me, anyhow?”


End file.
